My Girl

I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day! In a few more months, we will be wed in May! I’d guess you’d say, “What can make me feel this way?” Laura!

I’m in love. Sorry for the mushy stuff here, but really, you can’t blame me! If you experienced feelings similar to how I feel about this woman, you’d be making up your own versions of love songs also!

There are a few moments in my life where I look back and think, “Boy, am I lucky that happened!” …bringing with the thought feelings of true gratitude knowing my life would not be “as-good” had “that thing” not happened. Laura is one of those things…or, rather, blessings…and I almost did not meet her at all. To understand my gratitude for meeting her, let me give you a little bit of my history.

I have dated a lot of people. In fact, it was the running joke in my family for some time… “What is her name again, Erik? We can’t keep track of them all!” Please don’t interpret this as a brag. Quite frankly, I am not overly-proud about this element of my past because I usually never kept these girls around for too long. As a software engineer, a large part of my livelihood involves finding faults in logic. What will break my code? How can I improve the efficiency of this? Will “this” work if someone does “this?” Prepping for the worst traditionally makes for good programs. But I find using this same approach on the rest of my life…including my relationships…may not translate as well.

“Dating was getting frustrating and I needed a rest-stop on my journey”

As such, I, invariably, found something (or, more frequently, things (plural)) about the girl or relationship I didn’t like and most of them never saw their fifth month. Still, I found myself optimistically dating over and over. I liked girls. I liked being in a relationship. I didn’t like that many of my relationships were unhealthy…but both formers frequently outweighed the fear of the later. So I continued. I only tell you this to establish my credibility as someone who knows a good thing when he sees one.

It was July of 2016 and I was four months into a year-long, self-initiated dating hiatus. I made this pact with myself to take a break from dating…both to discover myself and to discover what I wanted. Let me rephrase. I knew what I wanted. I just hadn’t found it yet. Dating was getting frustrating and I needed a rest-stop on my journey…a place to refill my gas tank and re-evaluate my road map. So I stopped….and it was great. I didn’t feel pressure to impress or please or be mindful of “being too much of myself.” I dated myself…and I truly enjoyed it! The time so far was the longest break I took from dating for four years prior and I looked forward to the next 8 months. So you can imagine my bewilderment when I had an unrecognizable urge to start up again only four months in to my relationship fast. Usually, when I put my mind to something, I commit to it…which is why I definitely surprised myself with my next move.

Let me tell you…meeting women outside of college is difficult! Cross that with my desire to meet someone outside the influence of alcohol (a bar), and someone who has similar values to mine, love is nearly impossible to find. Knowing this, it was time I fight fire with fire, and pair my search for modern love with a modern tool…online dating.

For those of you who are familiar with online dating, you know it can be a roller coaster of a ride. For those of you who are not, take a peek at this house-buying analogy for a brief overview of the frustrations involved.

To make a long story short, a few weeks in, I was already getting frustrated with what was coming my way, wishing I had never signed up. Granted, I was being picky…but I knew I had earned the right to be. My application process internally stressed “serious candidates only,” and I held that mantra to precision standards. I thought, given the advertisements for Match.com, this game plan would not be unreasonable. But I found the only difference between online dating and real-world dating is the absence of a stale-beer bar smell. The quality of women were the same…or, rather, lack of quality…and I made the decision to cancel my membership.

So I logged on, after not being online for four days, ready to cancel…and that is when I saw her. A woman in a red shirt with blonde hair and a beautiful smile! I opened up her profile and, after reading through all of her words, knew I had to message her! Her profile had substance, something that is extremely rare! It was intriguing! She seemed wholesome! Her values appeared to be in-line with mine! Who is this Laura_Lake_Lover? Is she for real?? After clicking on my messages inbox, ready to send her something, I was excited to see she already had to me! With butterflies in my stomach and a slightly shaking finger, I clicked “Reply.” Little did I know, at that time, I was contacting my future wife.

Our first date was truly magical. Do you know that feeling when you thoroughly and wholly connect with someone? It’s a feeling where nothing seems forced, conversations perfectly flow, and any thoughts of insecurity or judgement completely evaporate! Time flies, and hours turn into minutes…and for those brief minutes, you cannot seem to get enough of the other person sitting right across from you!

If you have felt this, you know exactly what I am talking about. If you haven’t, let me tell you, it is possible!

“…a homogeneous blend of two people, allied and joined through some worldly force”

Prior to that August afternoon at Colectivo Coffee in Wauwatosa, WI, I had not experienced feelings like this. I didn’t think this type of connection was possible with someone, let alone someone I had only just met! I had experienced feelings in the past…feelings that I thought were on the same level as what I felt that day, but after actually experiencing them, I had no idea what I was missing. I don’t want to call it “love-at-first-sight,” because it wasn’t love. But it was definitely a strong “like”…a sense of kindred-ship…a sense of oneness…a homogeneous blend of two people, allied and joined through some worldly force…and after experiencing it, instantly, all my past relationships floated away. They didn’t matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was this amazing woman sitting across from me, talking with me, staring directly into my eyes…and after we parted, the only thing I could think about was, “When do I get to see her again?!” Fortunately for me, she had similar feelings, and we ended up having 10 dates over the next two weeks. Magic.

When Laura and I met, we were not spring chickens anymore…we weren’t quite next year’s boneless special, either…more like an early-August flock, each with a few signs of molted feathers. That being said, we were getting older. Normally, in the dating world, that could spell disaster. But for us, we saw it as a blessing, because with that age came added wisdom (it also came with lower back issues, but that is for a different story). That wisdom being, we both knew what we wanted in a partner. We also realized neither one of us was perfect…Lord knows I am far from it! But, what is important is, as we grew together, we realized we are perfect for each other!

When I’m with Laura, I can be myself…and for those of you who really know me, you know that means “being goofy.” “Laura must be a saint,” you’re probably thinking. When I was growing up, my family would say, “Uh oh…Erik is another one of his moods!” I am a boy at heart, and with that comes a good bout of craziness every now and then…or every day…getting amused by the smallest things.

“I love being around her…because that means I get to be myself.”

What I enjoy about Laura, what’s one of the biggest things I am attracted to in her, is SHE can give ME a run for my money in the Goofiness Department! …and I LOVE it! I LOVE being goofy with her! I love laughing until we cry (which we do frequently), or shooting funny looks at each other, or randomly giggling with her at the stupidest things, or burping out loud as the other says, “You’re fun,” or belting out early 90s songs as we drive on the freeway. I love being around her…because that means I get to be myself. She brings out the best version of myself. She allows me to be me…without prejudice, frustration, or insult. She IS fun. I have never found that in another woman, and I love her for it. Actually, on second thought…she MUST be a saint! …which is even more reason for why I am truly grateful to have found her!

Laura is Superwoman. Aside from graduating from a top-tier university, on the Dean’s List, she, single-handedly, earned a job at Google! Yes..that Google. Unlike those of us who are perfectly fine getting our first starter job out of college, easing into the workforce in the same city we live, she uprooted her whole life and trekked across the country to kick some butt in Mountain View. …and kick butt, she did! This multi-national company had so much faith in her, they sent her, literally, all over the world to promote their brand and improve their talent acquisitions! Holy crap! My first job out of college was running a residence hall, fourth-string-quarterback-style. Being the night-time janitor would have been an upgrade for me! You know what? Google wasn’t enough for her. This woman decided she needed to do more. So, after some major soul-searching, discovering her true calling in the process, she knew she needed to leave this awesome job at Google to pursue the dream of starting her own company.

And she did!

I totally admire her drive. Laura is one of the biggest self-improvers I know and is constantly keeping herself in check. Who she is today is not good enough for who she wants to be tomorrow. …but sometimes improvement does not always fall in-line with what society deems “improved.” Traditionally, someone would say Laura “made it” when she was employed by Google, possessing a very coveted position at a very coveted company. But to Laura, success was not defined by status. Laura is one of the kindest people I know. She is always worried about others and frequently puts others’ needs before her own. As a result, to Laura, success is largely defined by helping others. When she started Pieces Into Place, her dream was to help other people, people who were drowning in clutter and frustrations, by teaching them HOW to organize and improve their lives. If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish… This became her mantra. She moved back to Wisconsin and started to improve this world one person at a time. What an amazing story!

“…she was both comfortable in her faith AND comfortable with who she is.”

Laura has a deep faith in God. This is one of the biggest things I was attracted to in her Match profile and continues to be since I have known her. In a world where God is not always “cool,” seeing a proclamation of faith in her profile showed me she was both comfortable in her faith AND comfortable with who she is. Many people would have seen those words and been intimidated or turned off. Laura didn’t care. This is something she is proud of, and I am proud of her for feeling this way. I love that we go to church together. I love that we pray before our meals. I love that we talk about God in our relationship. Laura is an amazing sounding board when I have questions about God or my faith, and she has definitely helped improve mine. Laura also lives her faith. She is a kind person to others. She has an amazing sense of patience, and has inspired me to follow suit. She doesn’t see service to others as a special, designated time. She has a strong character and frequently weighs her heart and desires behind the matters at hand. Her hopefulness and optimism shows she has faith God will take care of her needs. She invests in people around her, trying to build meaningful relationships. Most importantly, Laura is constantly aware of her role as a Christian and how she can use it to glorify God. I love that!

A really interesting observation I’ve noticed living and growing in this relationship with Laura is, growing up, our parents seemed to raise us, separately, the same way. It is uncanny how many parallels there are between her childhood and mine. Maybe this is a reason why I felt so connected with her right away! Things our parents did, the ways they taught us and played with us, and gave us our childhoods were crazily similar! It is almost like God knew we would meet one day and He was directing our parents to groom us for our future meeting!

“God had this all planned”

When I was a boy, and into a teenager, my dad used to say, “Erik…the woman you will marry is somewhere out there right now!.” I just didn’t know her yet. …and she was! Laura was doing her own thing, living her own life, completely unaware of me, and I was doing the same right back! Neither one of us could have ever imagined we would meet each other someday. But we did. Against surmountable odds, God brought both of us together. God had this all planned. He knew what he was doing! I am grateful for that.

Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that one day, a woman arrived in my life with all these qualities, just like Laura. What would I do? What would I say? It’s true, there are probably many people who possess some form of these qualities on an individual basis…granted, very unlikely…but possible. What is it about Laura, then, that makes her special? What makes her rise above all the other women I have dated? What makes her perfect for me?

I like to call it “The Laura Factor!”

It’s a sense that, when I am with her, I do not want to be around anyone else! She is my best friend. She is my other half. She rights my wrongs and yins my yang. When I am around her, I feel complete. She makes me feel special and I always feel her love! It’s the fun set of smiles she has…each one meaning a different thing. It’s the way she talks to me on the phone when she wakes up or the way she can make me laugh with her humor! It’s the way her hand runs through my hair when we are laying on the couch and the way she makes me believe anything is possible! It’s the feelings I get when I see her holding a baby, knowing she is going to make an amazing mother someday. It’s the excitement I get dreaming about our future or the way that, whenever she walks into the room, my face lights up with a smile. It’s the way I feel so comfortable with her family and the way my family loves her! My family even knew I was dating someone before I told them, just by the way I was acting! It’s the way she curls her hair or looks at me with those beautiful eyes. It’s the way I make up songs with her in the lyrics and the way my dog Jack sits in her lap, giving me his complete approval of her as his new mommy. It’s the way I know how she is feeling before she even says a word. It’s the way we connect. It’s her kindness and her drive and her MANY quirks!

These are things completely unique to her…things nobody else has…and I have fallen in love with all of them…with all of her. She makes me want to love her. And every day I am with her, I fall in love over and over again! I cannot wait to marry this woman! She is my Laura. She is my girl!